Personal Thoughts and a Sweet Moment

Here is a quick warning for the entire 5 people who may actually read my blog that this post will not be my typical cute picture and a fluffy family story.  Feel free to hit that little red x in the top right hand of your computer screen if you don't want to read....I promise I won't be offended.

Yesterday was one of" those" days.  You know those days where if there was such thing as a mommy license mine would have been revoked.  Or one of those days where you question if Heavenly Father got his wires mixed up and accidentally sent you 1, 2, or maybe even 3 too many kids.

If I am being honest I feel like that more often than not.  Sometimes I really wonder if there was a license to be a mom, what would be on the test?  Would I pass?  I wonder many days why our Father in Heaven has blessed me with 5 sweet children to teach and be an example to when clearly most days I fall very very short of what I know they need and deserve.

There are some moms in the world that just seem like they were born to be mothers.  Not to say we don't all struggle and face challenges I am sure Michelle Duggar even has a bad day  now and again, but I have never felt like mothering just came naturally to me.  I have never been one of those ladies that loved a house full of noise and chaos, yet that is just what I have.

To all of those that are judging me right now thinking I should just be grateful that I have 5 wonderful and healthy children, to you I say, trust me.... I am eternally grateful for my kids and I know that they are a blessing and that I am lucky to have them.  The problem lies within me and wondering if I am enough for them.  And if I am not enough, how do I become better?  How do I become better when I already feel like I am giving all that I have.

I strongly believe that each one of my children should have a good education, be involved in their church, develop a musical talent and be involved in something physical.  All of these are good and wonderful things.  However when you have 5 kids that turns into about 15 scheduled activities a week....not to mention countless hours of practice, homework and driving to and from said activities.  We are not to that 15 activities yet seeing as I still have two young boys who are not involved in much but the day is not too far off.

Basically we are busy.....really busy....and busy with good things.  However I feel like our scale is quickly tipping in the wrong direction and I am feeling myself faced with questions on how to find a balance with all the good things I want my kids to have when there is only 1 of me.  How do you decide what to cut?  Not go to school....that is not an option.  Not be involved in church....not going to give that up.  Not play a musical instrument.....I guess that is not a must but I think it is really important.  Give up being physical....I don't expect any of my kids to go to the Olympics but I want them to be healthy and fit and I feel like this is one of the things we have let slip a bit with some of our kids and I feel bad about it all the time.  SO where do you cut back?  When you have 5 kids how do you allow them all to have equal opportunities to grow and develop talents when there are just not enough hours in the day?

I really don't know the answers to any of these questions and I know I am really rambling here but this is what goes through my head most days.  Are we as a family on the right track?  Am I as a mother teaching my children what they need to survive in this world?  How do I find the strength to not be a terrible mom on some days when I am so tired and stressed?  How do I allow myself to be an actual person too and develop my own talents or just do something I want to do when I have to give so much to everyone else?

So for anyone out there that is still reading and has not thrown themselves off a cliff there is a twinkle of light to the end of this post.  We had a BIG talk with the kids yesterday about how some things need to change around our home.  They were all receptive and seemed to understand why we all need to step up our game a bit.

We started this morning out much better than the previous one.  Morgan and Ethan headed out the door to walk to the bus and after they had been gone for a few minutes Ethan came running back in the door.  I asked him what he had forgotten and he came running up to me and gave me a big hug and told me he just had to come back and give me one more hug because he loved me so much.  He even got a little teary.

As a mom I know these moments are rare.  And amazingly one small act has the ability to erase an entire crappy day.  Unfortunately I also know that it does not take too many bad moments to forget the one good one either and  that is why I wanted to write about this one so I would not forget.

Mostly that moment gave me some clarity.  It helped me to know once again that my Father in Heaven was aware of my bad day yesterday.  He was aware that I was really struggling with my belief in my abilities as a mother.  He knew I needed something.  And without having to ask my sweet Ethan was close enough to the spirit to not only feel prompted he followed the prompting and turned around 1/2 way to the bus and came back to give me a big fat hug!

This teaching moment provided me not with countless answers to my questions but a peace to know that I am not alone.  I am thankful for simple moments like these that provide comfort in times when I need it most.  If anything it has just given me strength to try a little harder to be a little better and just take it one day at a time!

Baptism Day

I am going out of order here but this was such a special day I wanted to share it with our family that was not able to be here.  Last Sunday Morgan was baptized.  Grandpa Ross and Grandma Diane were able to come as well as many close friends who were thrilled to share this special day with Morgan.

 

The day went perfectly and I so appreciate everyone who came and all who helped set up and clean up.  Abby was able to play the piano for the opening and closing songs.  She was nervous but she had practiced hard and did a wonderful job.  Grandma Diane and Sister Gilbert gave the talks.  They were just perfect for her and both of them did such a wonderful job.  Morgan soaked up every word that every person said that day.  Ethan said the closing prayer.  He was so sweet after he was done he came right up to Morgan and gave her a big hug and just burst into tears.  I could tell he felt the spirit and that he was proud to be her big brother.

 

After the baptism we were able to meet in the gym and have some treats and just visit with friends.  It was fun and Morgan loved it.  Here she is with one of her best friends who wore her baptism dress as well.  These two girlies already have the "schedule" of what Sundays they are going to wear their baptism dresses together.  So cute!

 

I was told by a sister in law once to get a really nice picture of your child around the time that they are baptized because soon after that is when they start to go through their awkward stage.  I have taken her advice on all 3 kiddos so far and she is right.  It is the perfect age to catch them when they are still young and innocent and so perfect.

 

With that in  mind I asked my ever so talented and one of my closest friends Stephanie if she would take some shots of Morgan for her special day and she did a fantastic job.  I loved so many of them it was hard to choose but here are a few of our faves!  Thanks Steph, you are the best!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so very proud to be Morgan's mom.  Nothing beats that moment when I got to scoop her up in a towel right out of the font and give her a big hug and have just a special talk just the two of us.  I am so glad she is part of our family and so proud of the choice she made to be baptized.

Farewell to Hawaii

 Our last days in Hawaii were spent just relaxing.  We ate great food.  We visited the spa (twice).  And we just enjoyed being together just the two of us.

 We spent the day looking out at this.....

 

And the afternoon looking up at this.....

It was finally time to say goodbye to our car and the most wonderful hotel ever.  We had the best time ever but we were ready to get back home and snuggle with all of our kiddos!

This post can't end without a HUGE thank you to Charlie's amazing parents who came and watched the kids for us and they did such a good job.  I am so glad we were able to go on this amazing adventure.  We loved every single second of it!

Zipline Tour

Here I go once again trying to prove to myself that I am not a sissy pants.  One of the last things we did on our trip was take a zipline tour.  I was nervous beyond belief but I have the following pictures and video to prove that I did it! 

We took the 5 line zip tour and it was great.  They start you out small and then build up from there with the final line being 2,800 feet long.  You are really high and you go really fast.  This is me climbing up one of the bridges to the landing with my gear.  My heart was racing just hiking up the bridge.

The picture below was taken after one of the longer runs.  And yes, that is a real smile on my face!

We took about 100 of these pictures until we finally decided it is impossible to try and look cute in these helmets.

Lastly, here is some actual footage of one of our zips.  This was not the longest run as Charlie just wanted to enjoy it and not have to worry about the camera.  The footage is not the greatest because when you get to the end you have to hold your arms out to slow yourself down so he had to drop the camera.  This is proof that I did do it though and I did not scream like a baby either....I think maybe I was just too scared to!

Halloween

This post is going to be a little out of order but I know if I wait to post about holidays it usually gets too far past the actual holiday and then I never do it. 

 

This year Abby was a scarecrow, Ethan was a headless man, Morgan was a roller derby girl, Sam was spider man and Logan was a dragon. 

 

Charlie and I also have some good friends that throw an amazing adult Halloween party each year.  This year our costume was pretty fun.  Charlie went as a pinata and I went in a party hat and a blindfold and carried around a bat all night.  Each time I hit him he threw candy out of his pockets and it was a blast!

 The kids went trick or treating with friends.  We bundled everyone up because it was pretty cold here.  They lasted just over an hour but let me tell you when you have 5 kids getting candy 1 hour is more than enough.

 They did great carving their own pumpkins this year in record time.  We ended up doing it just the night before Halloween and we had 1 hour start to finish before we had to leave to get kids to activities.  It was not quite the fun carving night we usually have but we fit it in when we could and made the best out of it.

 Each year after trick or treating I make all the kids dump out their candy and I divide it all up into bags and they all just share.  I don't know if other moms do this or not but this year Abby took a stand.  She was really frustrated by me wanting to take her candy away.

 

So this morning when I went to go through all the candy I noticed Abby's bag was missing!  I spent the good part of the morning searching high and low for that stinkin bag.  I finally found it in her closet hidden behind a bunch of pillows and blankets!  This is the picture I took after I moved all of the stuff out of the way.

 

I decided to be nice and put all of her candy in a bag with her own name on it but still kept safe where I can control how much she is eating.  She still does not know I have found it yet.  I think I may just let her discover that on her own!

 This is the disgusting stash of candy that we now have.  Keep in mind this is a pile of candy not just laid out flat.  It was several inched deep and falling off the counter and this was minus Abby's hidden stash. 

 

So when I can't fit into my clothes in a few weeks you will know why.  I already want this out of my house!

Haleakala

I have been a bad bad blogger lately and I am staying in my pj's today as long as I can and get in as many posts as I can because they have been piling up!

 

If we look sleepy in the picture below it is because we were TIRED!  We had scheduled to take a sunrise bike tour from the top of Haleakala which is one of Maui's large volcano's.  Basically you ride up the volcano in a tour bus, watch the sun rise and then bike down.  It sounded like fun when we signed up but we had just spent 12 hours the day before doing the switch back roads on the way to Hana.  This would be another long trip full of twists and turns in a dark bus of strangers.  Needless to say I don't think we thought it through all the way and I started to get nervous that I would get sick.

We had already paid though so we went on ahead with our plans.  You have to get up early for this experience.  And by early I mean 2:00 A.M.!!!!  They tell you to dress warm and we came prepared with coats and gloves and lots of layers.  We got down to our lobby at 2:30 and the bus never showed.  We ended up getting refunded our money and were able to drive up on our own and avoid me getting sick...wahooo!  The valet gave us some blankets even though we were already bundled and boy am I glad he did.  It was only 42 degrees by the time we reached the top! 

 

Basically you get to the top and you go and stand in the dark for about an hour or so and wait.  And then little by little the horizon goes from pitch black to glowing to yellow to orange to all sorts of amazing colors and before you know it the sun starts to peak it's head out and then within seconds it is all the way up.  They even tell you not to look at it too long because it will hurt your eyes.  Funny how you get up at 2:00 am to see something that then you can't even look at for more than  a few seconds!

 Once the sun comes up you realize that  you are actually standing on the edge of a huge crater.  Again, this darn picture does not even begin to show the size of this massive crater.  It was breathtaking.

 This is one of my most favorite pictures of the entire trip.  We were literally on top of the world even above the clouds. 

 So in the end we missed the bike ride down but I was totally OK with that.  I was cold and tired and somehow riding a bike down the side of a volcano in the freezing cold after being up since 2 did not sound like such a great idea anyway.  We got back to the hotel by 8 and we had already been up for 6 hours.  We spent the rest of the day chillin at the hotel and sleeping by the beach.  Not a bad way to spend the day!

Road to Hana

The road to Hana is the most famous drive in all of Hawaii.  They say that this trip is not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.  We left early one morning on our journey and we are so glad that we did this.  We rented a convertible and drove with the top down the entire day.  I drove and Charlie navigated since the trip ahead was filled with one lane bridges and over 600 turns.  You literally do not drive faster than 15 m.p.h for the entire trip.  And if you ever even consider going faster the roadside crosses every few miles marking where someone had died are a quick reminder to SLOW DOWN!

 

This part of the island is considered to be like the garden of Eden.  They can get as much as 360 inches of rain per year here where other parts of the island get only 16 inches a year.  That is why on this drive you are in the most lush rain forest you can imagine and then on  the way home you see the exact opposite.  It was amazingly beautiful.  The total trip took us 13 hours with lots of stops along the way.  It is beautiful waterfall after beautiful waterfall and you never have to go more than a few miles before it is time to stop again and see the most amazing sights.

 

 The road has signs like this all along the way.  I think this sign I found is far more descriptive of the road ahead.  There are switchbacks every few feet and many corners that you just hold on to the steering wheel and pray that no one else is coming the other way because the turns are so tight you can't even see where you are going until you are 1/2 way around it already.

As I said we rented a convertible and I would not have done this drive any other way.  We saw things with a completely unobstructed view.  Our lungs were filled with clean beautiful air all day and the wind in our hair and the sun on our faces felt oh so wonderful!

 

This was the first waterfall we stopped at.  We saw countless more.  We had a short muddy hike to get here and we were literally standing on the edge of a very high cliff and it made me nervous so we did not stick around too long.

This place below was breathtaking I could have stayed here all day.  There was a house just outside of where I took this picture.  I could not believe that someone lived right here.  You would expect it to be a giant home owned by someone rich and famous but no it was a small grubby house.  Do  the people that live there have any idea that they live in paradise? 

 Looking down at the ocean.  Just one of many of these kinds of views.

 

Here we are at the Three Bears falls.

 The picture below gives you a small idea of what this trip was like.  If you look closely you can see the small road and below is a waterfall that drops several hundred feet.  Many of these waterfalls you would not even know were there as you just drive by unaware of what lies below you.  We had to follow our guide book every mile to know when to stop. 

 

This was where we stopped to eat our afternoon snack.  The picture is not that great of us or at capturing the beauty of where we were but we have so few pictures of the two of us on the trip I threw it in.  This was by far the most beautiful place I have ever stopped for a picnic.

 

 Not that I think my feet are cute or anything but this was a fun way to see all the kinds of sand I stepped foot on in just one day.  We saw regular sand, red sand, black sand and a multicolored beach that was more rocks but so neat to see all the colors on one beach.



This is a shot of the black sand beach.  We loved it here.  The contrast between the green trees and the black sand was beautiful. We had been out for about 7 hours already by the time we made it here so we found a quiet little nook and laid out our towel and took a nap on the beach and it was fabulous!

Next stop was this red sand beach.  It was a scary hike in.  So scary in fact that we stopped 1/2 way and turned around to go back.  Luckily on the way back we found some other people that pointed out another trail that was not as bad.  We hiked back in and it was well worth it.  I don't have a great picture of the actual beach part but you can see how red the sand was from the picture I showed above. 

 

This place was cool.  The red of the sand and the blue of the water and the green of the trees and the black of the rocks was like nothing I have ever seen before I or will probably ever see again.  You can see in this picture that there was a line of rock that calmed the water just a bit to make it a great place to swim right by the beach.  The beach is just around the big black rock on the left of the picture.

 One of our last stops was at the seven sacred pools.  It was hard to capture this place on my camera but it was waterfall and then a pool and then a waterfall and a pool and then another waterfall and another pool....get the picture?  It was crazy beautiful.

 It was a little cool by the time we got here and technically you are not supposed to swim here but had it been a bit warmer I think we both may have hopped in.

 This was the bottom of the pools where the water flows out into the ocean.  Again the colors....there are no words to describe.

At  this point it was time to start heading home.  We still had about a 2 hour drive ahead of us and it was getting dark and we were getting to a part in the road that was even more dangerous than what we had already driven.  Remember those crosses I mentioned?  Yeah, there were even more of them along this section of the road.  It made us laugh when 11 hours into the drive we came across this sign.  Really narrow winding roads the next 7 miles?????  What the heck had we been on for the last 11 hours?  

 We did not plan it this way but we somehow managed to hit the side of the island right by the ocean right at sunset.  I have never seen a sun set so fast in my life.  We pulled over to snap some shots and before we could even get out of the car it was gone. This was the coolest sunset I have seen in my life.  The picture we got was a second or two late but this gives you some idea of what we saw. 

 One really fun moment before the sun went down was captured in this video below.  We had hit the side of the island where the road straightened out a bit and this is where the island goes from rain forest to death valley.  It was such a stark contrast after being enveloped in green canopy all day to all of a sudden be in a dry expanse.  Still beautiful but just very different.  The best moment was as we reached the peak as the sun was starting to set Beautiful Day by U2 came on and it was the prefect anthem to pump up the volume with the top down and just grin ear to ear.  I could not have said it any better, it was for sure a Beautiful Day!