Yes, I know all it would take is some rearranging of my current 5 children and the holes would be gone but I can't tell you how often I have thought about those holes in the last few days.
I had hoped that during this pregnancy I would have that feeling that we were done. While I feel more done than I ever have before I am still not ready to close up shop if you know what I mean. The thought of giving away baby clothes and maternity clothes gives me a knot in my stomach. And then I started noticing all these darn holes in our family pictures.
This is what I know for sure. I know that the time to contemplate if your family is complete or not is not when you have a 5 week old baby. I am far too tired and hormonal to make a decision like that right now.
Yet how do I make sense of these feelings and thoughts. I could not bare the thought of giving away clothes, yet I also can not bare the thought of possibly having yet another child. I mean 6 kids...really?????
The Spirit has always spoken to me in small quiet promptings. Part of me can't help to see these "incomplete" pictures as a possible nudge that maybe we are not quite done yet.
I am not making any final declarations here, but I am trying to work through some emotions. So, what do you think of these holes and how do you ever REALLY know when your family is complete?
9 comments:
Brook, I think you already have your answers. Just go GET SOME SLEEP!!!! And know that I love you, no matter how many crazy kids you have :)
I'm with Melissa! SLEEP!!!!
Here's my take (not like you don't know it.) First, you wait a few months. If you aren't sure still, then you and Chuck talk and decide what you want and feel, practically speaking. Then, you tell Heavenly Father what you are feeling, and why you are deciding to be done or not done. Then... let Him have the final say if what you've decided is right.
I know you often receive inspiration in direct ways (unlike myself,) but there ARE some decisions that can be yours if you want/need.
Bottom line... be happy that you can feel peaceful, no matter what ends up happening. You'll do what's right. I love you lots. (This was way too long!)
Great posts. I love reading your blog occasionally. (I usually go to it from Cher's blog when she hasn't updated.) I have no advice on number of kids. I never had to decide. We wanted more and they never came. Only advice I have is enjoy the journey and stay close to the Lord.
Oh Brook! Give yourself a couple years...you'll know if that hole needs to be filled! I know how you feel, though! There are MANY unanswered things :)! It'll all work out...you are WONDERFUL!!!
Okay. In the first picture, the hole is your new baby. In the second picture, Chuck needs to put Samuel down and that'll fill in THAT hole. Problem solved! :) See how easy that was?!?
Brook, my first thought is to take it easy and not think about it for a long while. At least right now. Wait a year and see how it is then. No one says you have to give anything away right away, even if you are done.
My second thought. Heavenly Father loves you and cares for you and is concerned with you. Ultimately (and this is my own personal opinion) I think you and your hubby can make a decision you feel is right for yourself and your family and he will support you.
However, if you're already wondering about those holes - I just think that either Logan needs to grow bigger so he can fill up the picture or there's just another one you want to have as part of your family.
Whatever decision is right, it doesn't need to be made right now. And no matter what we love you and will help and support you either way (whether it's taking all your boy clothes for whenever we hopefully have a boy or whether its watching your cute belly grow once again and getting pedicures and visiting you in the hospital and all that other stuff all over again!
Love you :)
My Brook--remember the post I wrote when the boys were just a couple months old? I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from, and still struggling for the answers myself. I don't know the answer--I wish I did. I do know, that you don't have to decide right now. That over the days and months you will continue to get those quiet promptings. I have always admired you for your closeness to the Spirit, and recognizing when it speaks to you. For something as important as this, I know it will be the same thing, and that the answer will come. It might be that you are done--just not quite ready to say it out loud. Or it may be that you aren't done, and that you will be slowly prepared for another little one to join your family.
I do agree with Cheralyn--there are a lot of factors to be considered, and our Heavenly Father understands all of them. What you feel--both physically and emotionally--are inmportant to Him, as are you.
Love you--
I have dreaded the day that I say we're done since before we started. I didn't want to start having kids because I didn't want to be done having kids. And now that we have three, I know we aren't done, but, I want to savor the moment we have three because if we have one more, it is one more closer to being done. I know sleep deprivation can threaten to make your decision and frustration with kids in general can at least threaten MY decision almost daily... but, wow, if you have your #5 and after only 5 weeks are contemplating your holes... girlfriend, I also think you may already have your answers...????? Maybe not, but, you and Charlie will know, you know that! Miss you guys! By the way, don't give your stuff away just yet, and if you are a birth control person, Mirena has been my best friend. Nothing is permanent!
Eric says lifesavers have holes in them too, but that doesn't mean you have to fill all of them...:) (I think he thinks Chuck would get a crack up from that!)
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